White Knuckles, a Wing, and a Prayer

When Your Identity Gets in the Way of Your Business

Recently, an owner told me, “I wish someone had warned me that buying a business meant I evolve who I was.”

He wasn’t talking about strategy. He meant identity. He kept trying to lead like a clinician. Checking charts. Double-booking his time. Being the go-to problem solver.

And every time he tried to make real changes—delegate, build systems, hold people accountable—something pulled him back.

Another owner shared how she couldn’t take time away from the clinic. “If I’m not there,” she said, “everything falls apart.”

So we ran a small test. She stayed out of the clinic for two days. Then four. Then a week.

Her team rose to the occasion. The systems held. No one died. The next year, profits doubled.

What changed wasn’t the people or the plan. What changed was her.

Harvard psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey call this the Immunity to Change. It’s the hidden, protective wiring that keeps us stuck—no matter how much we want to change.

If you’ve said things like:

• “I know I need to delegate, but it never sticks.”

• “I have the strategy. I’m still the bottleneck.”

• “If I’m not in the room, things won’t run.”

You’re not missing a tactic. You’re dealing with a hidden commitment that’s protecting an old identity.

The good news? Once you can see it, you can shift it.

If this is you and you are ready to make that shift. I am here… bit.ly/4jWwLen